Part 2: The next phase of my life....gastric bypass surgery

Post #2....the continuing story

September 2007   

Continuing on with my story...this picture cracks me up.  But, it lets you know the kind of person that I am.  I am happy and like to have fun.  Even back then standing 5'3" and weighing 250 pounds....I was happy.  No amount of weight loss can give that to you.  You have to already know who you are, what you stand for, and what is important to you.  Weight loss only adds to what you already have. 

September 2007....a few weeks before my surgery.  Kevin and I are buds, chums, pals...and just happen to really love each other and are married.  He is also supportive, encouraging, adoring, gentle, compassionate, and he likes me more than anyone else in the world (that could be my favorite quality of his!!!).  For a month of so before my surgery I was put on a special pre-surgery diet.  This diet consisted of 5 sugar-free protein drinks a day (carnation instant breakfast, slim fast-type drinks with lots of protein and no sugar).  I could also eat sugar free jello, sugar free drinks (no pop), clear broth, cucumbers and dill pickles (to give a little crunch and taste to my diet).  The purpose of this diet...to shrink down your liver before surgery so it is not in the way at surgery time, and it allows you a chance to lose weight before the surgery.  Studies have shown that the patients with the greatest weight-loss success are those that lost up to 20 pounds before surgery.  The most important thing that this diet did for me was that it mentally prepared me for the huge life-style change that would be taking place.  The nutritionist I had seen prior to surgery said the you have to distinguish the difference between the hunger in your head and the hunger in your stomach.  It was about training myself to eat only when my stomach said I was hungry.  I didn't realize how much I had relied on food to comfort me and to provide me with momentary relief from my physical pain. For the first two weeks on this liquid diet I went to my bedroom at super time and cried for an hour.  I felt panicked.  I've never had a panic attack, but I am sure I came very close.  My skin felt like it was crawling.  It was like I was going through withdrawal from eating to calm myself.  I don't know if I could have done this without my family's support.  They were instrumental in my success.  My dear friend, Paula, went on the liquid diet with me.  These are the kind of people I am surrounded by....people that lift me up.  I am so grateful for these weeks to prepare myself mentally for what was to come.  After surgery...everything seemed like a piece of cake compared to what I had been through.  I had a major breakthrough...learning to lean on other things to comfort me.  Food is wonderful, fun, delicious, etc...but, it shouldn't be used as a drug. 

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October 2007

October 3, 2007....So, this is what it looks like after gastric bypass surgery.  It isn't pretty.  I came home with a drainage tube that had to be emptied multiple times during the day. I had to record the time and how much fluid was being release.  Kevin, my handsome nurse, was meticulous in doing this job for me.  It hurt intensely.  The first week was spent on a heavy amount of drugs.  The second week I was still fairly drugged up, but the pain and fatigue was intense...and I remember crying and feeling so miserable.  But, I followed my doctor's orders....walked every single day, followed my liquid diet strictly.  The liquid diet was for the first few weeks after surgery.  I had no doubts or regrets about what I had been through.  I knew I had made the right choice.  A huge blessing that came out of the surgery was the discovery of a GIST (gastro-intestinal stomal tumor) was found.  It was successfully removed and caused no problem.  I would just have to have a CT scan each year for the next 5 years to check on re-growth (which is prone to happen).   In the first few weeks I was already dropping weight...actually I had lost 17 pounds in the 4 weeks prior to surgery.  I was on my way to better health and a stronger body.

  

 A little tip:  when lossing weight, don't be shy about taking pictures of yourself.  It is amazing to compare before and after pictures.  It also is a great motivator to be able to see your body getting smaller as you compare pictures.  When I have a rough day now, all I have to do is look at a 'before' picture of myself and I am clearly reminded of the blessings of having the weight off of me. 

  

October 7, 2007...It had only been 2 weeks since my surgery, but I had the drainage tube taken out and that made me happier than anything!!!  That was THE worst part of the ordeal.  Sounds kind of funny, but I hated that thing.  I remember feeling so proud of myself for making it to Lowes with Kevin when he needed to get something.  I'd be thinking...wow...I just spent the last 20 minutes up on my feet walking!!!  Baby steps, right?!  I was a very slow walker at first.  What then took me 20 minutes (at week 2) I can now walk in 5 minutes...honest-to-goodness!  Track any progress that you make, keep records, they are great sources to look back on.

October 15, 2007...finding joy AND fun in our traditions.  Before I suffered through the things we did for the girls.  But I now found myself actually enjoying those things!!! 

October 20, 2007...even though my stomach was swollen and sore from surgery I was feeling my jeans get a little loose...that was highly motiviating to me!

October 29, 2007...sad times hit our family. A year after my father died, my father-in-law passed away.  Our family went home to Indiana to attend the funeral and spend time with family there.  While in Indiana we went to Brown County...one of my very favorite places on earth.  (think 'Gatlinburg' on a smaller scale).  We walked all around the town, and I could do it!  I felt so alive. I knew things were on their way to being better.

October 31, 2007...a cold Halloween night, but Kevin and I had a blast passing out candy.  This was also a great time because I had graduated from my liquid and pureed diet to soft-food diet...things like refried beans, cottage cheese, eggs.  Oh my goodness...those foods were truly like manna from heaven.  I was on and continue to take prescription-grade vitamins and supplements.  These are critical for a bariatric patient, as mal-absorption is the down-side to the surgery.  Getting the vitamins and minerals that your body requires is so important to maintaining good health. 

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November 2007

November 16, 2007                                                    November 27, 2007

I am starting to lose weight...and that is because I am walkig every single day, except Sundays.  At this point I was up to 45 minutes a day.  And, I could walk it at a good clip.  Drinking water is essential.  At first it takes all day to get in the 64 oz. of water...because you have to sip the water...no more chugging.  You simply can't do it.  You would throw it up.  So, I had my water bottle with me everywhere I went...even down to the bus stop in the morning.  Follow the doctors orders...that is the 'secret' to success.

Thanksgiving 2007...what an amazing day!!!  It was also the first Thanksgiving in my life that I exercised.  Kevin went walking with me that morning after we got the turkey in the oven.  I felt so refreshed and invigorated.  I even made the family go walking with me after lunch.  It was cold and windy...but we all laughed and had fun.  In this picture I am with my sweet friend, Paula.  She is the one who was such an inspiratin to me as she did the liquid diet with me for 4 weeks!!!  Now THAT is a friend!!!

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December 2007 

December 14, 2007....I remember this day exactly.  Not only was it soooo awesome to be able to buy clothes as Walmart and Target again (not easy finding size 24 clothes)...but I could actually pick and choose a little.  But it because I like it, not just because it was the only thing that fit.   I bought this outfit on a Friday morning before a Christmas lunch at Kevin's work.  I remember feeling so good in it and being so excited to show Kevin how I looked.  It was such a fun time out....I felt so alive.  I was eating healthy, exercising every day, and I felt like so happy to be able to play with my family again. 

December 24, 2007...I can eat anything now.  My diet included turkey sausage, protein shakes, fruit, whatever I made my family for supper.  But, I stayed away from sweets.  Most people who have gastric bypass surgery have 'dumping syndrome'....when the food hits the intestines quicker.  if you eat something sugary...you are going to be feeling horrible...cold sweat, racing heart, diarrhea, dizziness,...NOT good. 

December 28, 2007...Starting to really notice a difference in how I look.  I had to buy a new pair of jeans!!!  That was so exciting and felt like such an accomplishment.  I was seeing the results of hard work.

December 26, 2007:  "Life has been getting better and better.  I was 250 pounds and now I am at 186!  Not only is it fun to move better and fit into clothes better, it is such a blessing to feel more alive.  I find myself enjoying the simple daily pleasures of life more."

December 30, 2007:  "I love the new feelings I have about life.  I am actually excited about waking up in the morning.  I feel excited as I plan my day, or wonder what fun I will have.  That is so amazing to me.  I used to struggle just to get through the day somehow; not having the desire, or strength to care about what I did.  I feel a need to 'repay' the Lord... though I know that is not possible.  I guess I feel a strong need to do good...to pray for chances to serve, help, be a friend, etc." 

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January 2008

 

January 3, 2008                                          January 15, 2008

Okay, no doubt about it...I am no longer a big girl.  I was walking 4 miles a day religiously.  I remember that i didn't walk on Christmas day because the wind was so horrible.  Oh, I tried to walk...and got a few minutes out.  But, my eyeballs were freezing, so I had to turn around.  So, you see, I worked very hard.  I walked in the cold, the snow, the muck!  I had a little music student who saw me out walking one morning tell his mom, "There's Miss Betsy...you better pick her up cause she is walking in the snow".  It was so precious to know he was thinking of me.  When his mom related the story to me we had a good laugh when i told her I was just out for my daily walk.  Nothing comes for free.  You have to be willing to work hard for what you get, or you will not appreciate it.  And I greatly appreciate what has happened to me. 

January 13, 2008:  "I amn so grateful to be feeling so much better today.  It was a hard week mentally as well as physically.  On Wednesday evening, just as I was thinking that I couldn't take anymore, Kirsten was there to comfort me.  She got me some water, covered me with a blanket, picked out an old movie for me to watch, and sat by me as I struggled with horrible physical pain.  She was an angel from the Lord.  When I couldn't handle any more on my own, the Lord brought me relief in the form of my sweet daughter."

January 17, 2008:  "I am thankful to be able to walk every day.  In all honesty, I never thought I'd be out walking an hour a day ever again.  It' is like a second chance at life.  My appreciation for things has increased."

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February 2008

 

February 8, 2008                                               February 22, 2008

5 months post-op.  What a difference 5 months has made in my life.  I have energy to do the laundry AND go out on a date with Kevin. I can take a walk AND go to the store in one day.  Might seem small, but between the excess weight and having fibromyalgia, doing one thing a day was a reasonable limit.  This is about the time that I came up with the idea to create my own preschool music class cirriculumn. "Klassical Kids" was created....a once-a-week music class focusing on classical music composers, their music, and enrichment activities to teach young children basic concepts of music.  This was a gigantic step I was taking.

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March 2008

 

March 6, 2008                                                    March 26, 2008

March 2008...brought about more weight loss.  It also brought with it more experiences.  I went geo-caching with Kevin and Heidi...a fun way to scavenger hunt using a GPS (what we call 'hiking with an excuse').  I couldn't believe I was tromping around the forrest for hours...was this really me???  I loved my new-found energy and excitement for life.  I was doing things that I seriously never thought I would ever do again.  If someone had told me a year earlier that I would be out walking 4 miles a day I would have been dumb-founded.  I was surpassing any of the hopes I had for myself!!! 

March 12, 2008:  "The past couple of days I haven't been feeling well.   Bad headaches and just hurting all over my body. I ahve learned by now to take these times as they come and to not be so hard on myself."

March 13, 2008:  My headache still lingers..how grateful I am for such a sweet family full of patience and love.  So many are in need of help right now.  I hope I can do even a tiny bit of good each day.  It's hard, especially times likes this when my health isn't so well.  But, I know that there are always ways to serve."

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 April 2008

April 2008...I'm loving my new body. I love the way it works for me. I love taking care of myself. I have so much more to give. I made a promise to God that I would use my new-found energy to be a blessing to others. I never want to forget how it feels to be overweight or to hurt so bad you can't see beyond your own sorrow. My pain level has lessened...that's one question people ask me about. I spend less time on the couch, more time moving. Even when I feel bad I can keep going a little easier.

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May 2008

 

May 2008......this is a woman who knows who she is. I was always in good shape with no real health issues. But, I was never truly content inside with who I was. After 5 years of pain and soul-searching I came to love myself as a daughter of God. I found peace with myself at 250 pounds....I was honestly content with the fact that I'd always be overweight and I was really okay with that. I had a husband who adored me and never, ever, ever said anything negative to me. He once said, "It's all about the attitude". Think what you want, but it's true and we have always had a very healthy and happy life together. And now that I have lost the weight...he is sitting very pretty. I know his level of dedication and I know that he loves me....not because of what I am, but who I am. The outer shell is just a bonus. Do I feel blessed? You bet.

April 22, 2008:  "Fibromyalgia is now affecting my knees.  After my doctor appointment I went for a walk.  My mind was going through the trouble pain in my knees would cause me and wondering why it had to be this way.  The thought came racing through my mind, "And this , too, will give you experience."  Life is full of learning and growing opportunities.  I will make the most of what I have and rejoice in it."

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 June 2008

 

June 2008

 

June 2008..I am living the life that I was afraid to dream of.  This month I hiked up the incline at Manitou Springs...that involves a mile incline that rises 2,000 feet in elevation.  Olympians train on it.  And I did it!!!  Also this month....went camping and slept in the back of the truck with the stars shining brightly over us.  We were at the girls church camp.  I sang as part of their musical program....I played the part of Emma Smith.  It was a beautiful night shared with all the girls. 

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July 2008

  

July 2008...4th of July, an outing to Royal Gorge Bride with the family. 

July 31, 2008:  "My back was out for a week after attempting to belly dance.  Wow...so glad I didn't buy an outfit and finger cymbals!!!  Pain has been a near constant companion lately.  At times I am overwhelmed by it.  My thanks to God cannot go deeply enough.  I have the life that allows me to go at my own pace.  I find great joy in watching tv with my family, reading, talking with everone, studying.  It is a slower paced life than I would ever have allowed myself to live before I became sick.  I am content with it."

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 August 2008

August 2008...11 months post-op.  I am right where I want to be.  Some guy made a comment to Kevin, "So, how does it feel to have a hot wife now?". Kevin looked at the guy and said, "What are you talking about, she has always been hot.".  I was beaming and the man was left looking like an idiot.  You do not have to be thin to be 'hot'.  That is the trouble with the world.  We are suppose to look a certain way... we are set up for failure.  I am happy to be thin.  I am happy to be in good shape. I am happy that the doctor found a life-threatning tumor in me during surgery.  When I look at other women I rejoice in their beauty.  Some of the prettiest women I know just so happen to be a little larger.  They have confidence, joy, attitude.  They are real women who are inspiring.  I was already happy when I was 250 pounds.  Life is easier now.  I can wrap a towel all the way around me.  I can tie my shoes without holding my breath and pulling my back out.  I can move my body around so easily  I won't ever take those things for granted again. 

August 23, 2008:  "How about another medical condition to add to my list?!  Splenic Flexure Syndrome.   Basically, muscle spasms in the descending colon.  The pain from it I will liken to labor pain (back and front).  this week I've had 2 doctor visits and 2 ER visits.  I am grateful to Kevin, my sweet and uncomplaining companion.  He takes amazingly great care of me.  Joyana spent the day at the doctor's office with me.  What an angel.  Tonight Rosalia brought over supper to my family.  I am blessed by such women.  On top of that, just got a call from home.  Dad has had 2 heart attacks.  I am beside myself that I can't be there for my family.  I know that Mom needs me right now.  Thankfully, big brother, John, is flying in to be with them."  

August 25, 2008:  "The pain has been so bad today.  It is extrememly exhausting.  I went to see my doctor this morning.  I feel like we are getting closer to a real answer about my stomach pain.  She thinks it might be a peptic ulcer.  She is sending me to a GI specialist.  Debbie brought over a yummy supper.  Katie picked Kirsten up from cross-coutnry.  Megan brought over cupcakes and a card for me from Iuli.  It is hard to feel sad when so many people are there to give me love and support."  

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September 2008

 

September 22, 2008.

     I had my 1 year post-op appointment last week. The goal for gastic bypass patients is to loose 70-90% of their excess body weight. Well, I did it. I asked the doctor how to stop lossing weight....I am totally loving my new body....that may sound prideful and arrognat. It's not that, it's just that I am so content, so grateful to be able to move around and do what I can now. I am not going to spend the rest of my life wishing I was something I'm not. Why can't we embrace ourselves and find joy where we are??!! So, I am. I love how I look, but I don't need to focus on it. Just like I tell my daughters....take the time to get ready for the day and then move on and serve others! That's what it's all about....helping each other in this journey that we are on. I want this change in my life to be for the good, use my talents and abilities to help others, and to be a source of encouragement and strength to those I am around. Fibromyalgia is still a part of my daily life. It hurts. It can be dibilitating. I still have to take pain medicine to get through my days sometimes. I have to take naps every day. I can't always go shopping, or to church, or teach piano lessons. But, most days are better now and I have learned how to live with the pain and not let it control my life. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I want to live with my family forever in heaven. I know that is possible. God has blessed my life richly...not that I am monatarily wealthy...we are a military family, we are fine. But it is the joy I have in my family, in dear friends, in taking the time to smell yummy flavored candles, savoring the taste of homemade salsa, hearing the wind blow outside, seeing a stranger's smile....those are invaluable things in life.
      The rise and fall of weight left a huge scar on me...one that I never want removed. It gave me a new perspective on life and on people. I am slow to judge and quicker to love. I am slow to complain and quicker to lend a helping hand. It doesn't take much to amuse me...the way my puppy stretches out to me is enough to make my day! So, whether I am big or small....I have found joy in the journey and will continue to do so.
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                                                                     October/November 2008

 

November 2008...I spent the month of October and some of November in Indiana.  My dad...the man who had married my mom when i was 9 years old passed away.  I was blessed to spend the last few weeks of his life at home with mom and dad.  Just the 3 of us...special times.  But, now....all the dads are gone.  The next generation begins to step up and take on their roles as leaders of the family.  I have great faith in the Lord's plan of eternal life.  The peace of life with my family forever does bring me comfort.  The night my dad passed away a church hymn kept going through my mind like a lullybye..."Abide with me; 'tis eventide. The day is past and gone;  The shadows of the evening fall; the night is coming on.  Within my heart a welcome guest,  within my home abide.  O Savior, stay the night with me; Behold, tis eventide.  O Savior, stay the night with me; behold, tis eventide."  I will never hear that song again without remember my dad's peaceful passing and the comfort that my Savior brought to me that night.  

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December 2008

December 2008....ending the year of many changes on a positive and joyful note.

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January 2009

 

January 2009...enjoyed a week at Cocoa Beach with Kevin.  Heavenly.  Easy.  Relaxing. 

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February 2009

 

February 2009...loving life.  Yes, there is daily pain involved.  I have to keep things in perspecitive to keep from getting overwhelmed.  But, in the grand scheme of things...life is good. 

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March 2009

 

March 2009 wearing the same pants as shown here in July 2007.  I will never get ride of these pants!  It is a good reminder of where I came from.  You will never hear me putting down someone is overweight.  There is usually a reason for it.  Being overweight does not make you less of anything.  Being overweight makes some things tricky and hard to do, but you are still a person who is beautiful, fun, compassionate, productive, successful, engaging, sexy, romantic, lovebable, capable, charming, etc.   It is not the size of your body that says who you are...it is the size of your heart.  That's what I think, anyway. 

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May 2009

May 2009...getting ready for the final step in my weight loss journey....In May 2009 I had a tummy tuck.  I had a couple of pounds of excess skin removed.  Was it a critical thing to have done?  Could I have lived the rest of my life with it hanging there?  Sure.  I chose not to.  I have no opinion on plastic surgery one way or another.  I am not saying do or don't.  We each have to live within our own bodies...they are sacred to each of us.  Treat your body with the love and repect it deserves.  If you have excess skin that constantly gets infected and requires steriod cream (like I did)....life is a lot sweeter without the constant pain and discomfort.  Modern medicine is a gift to our time.  I am truly grateful for it. 

"My recovery is going well.  Today I feel the best I have...mosre energy and a desire to be up and about a little.  I'll be happy with the 2nd drainage tube is out.  The least favorite part of all this is that I can't aly down flat; making it impossible to sleep in bed with Kevin.  I miss being with him at night.  Right now everything is slow-paced and I am so out of it. I look forward to feeling better and entering the next 'phase' of my life with faith and a great spirit."

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June 2009

June 5, 2000:  "seeing the hand of God in my life...I am feeling nauseaus and my stomach hurts so bad.  Joyana called to check on me. Her voice was like an angel.  Later I was sitting in the recliner, crying quietly, hurting so much.  Heidi sat beside me my chair and just held my hand.  That touched my heart deeply.  Debbie brough over supper and Joyana and the kids brought over balloons and shrimp...they know what I love!"

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That would be a good ending to my story....girl loses weight, gets a second chance at life, and off she goes into the sunset.  The end.  But the story continues on .  There is more to come.  More trials, more scares, more surgeries.  I have more of my story to share....later.  The important thing is that I still find joy in my life each day.  Some days are better than others.  Some days seem impossible. But I take each day as it comes....sometimes I just take each minute as it comes.  But, I take it and find the joy.